How the hell am I supposed to put an end to this clumsy feeling in my tummy? It makes me feel giddy, dizzy and what not! Why do I like him, but I still don't like him? Why does he look at me accusingly? Why does he make me feel like I'm wrong? Why does it look like he knows about my feelings for him? Isn't he supposed to act like I exist? Why the hell doesn't he understand how deep I'm falling? Isn't he supposed to give me a cue? I wish he would come and talk to me, I wish these feelings would die out.... :/

The 'on n off' way life is!

While reading a novel 'bout Hollywood today, I figured out that the lives of celebs aren't really hunky-dory all the time. It's not just about being clicked, looking great and rubbing shoulders with the who's who. Sometimes, it's also about living life the 'normal' way. If our lives were to be put under the scanner, they would pretty much turn out to be replicas of celebrity lives. The paparazzi of nagging teachers running behind us, carrying the cameras of taunts and lectures; sometimes we are so hollowed out inside that we live a different life when in the public eye, and our real lives are complete contradictions to that. Sometimes we lie so much that the fibs actually seem to be real. We become alter-egos of ourselves.
For all these years, I had been doing fantastically in academics, little did I know that I was in for a rude shock! Like my mum says, 'You aren't born with some tag stamped on your name that makes teachers give you marks as soon as they see your name". It all ended up with my best friend having to ask me whether there was something wrong with me and I was tongue-tied and could not answer him. What the hell do I do when my life is going so great and suddenly it all stops and ends up in an abusive fight?! What do I do when I can't go a  minute without swearing at someone and then have to swear on my dad that I won't abuse anyone? Moreover, what do I do when my best friend, who admires my crush, suddenly calls him a transgender-ed person??
But, as they say, "That's life, baby!",and what I do is that I cope up with all this, count my blessings, gather my ammunition and get ready to face all the challenges head-on! Beacuse, no matter how much I might dislike my life, I love the people in my life, and I wouldn't have it any other way! =D

What You Did To Me

Echoing in my mind,
as I lie on my bed,
are the words I always wished to hear,
the words you never said.

Tears flow uncontrollably,
as I remember moment by moment,
the fun times we shared,
and the fights that would never end.

I ain't got no clue why,
you went away all of a sudden,
turning my days dark,
making my life a burden.

Did you bother to think once,
what it would do to me?
How I would break apart,
how grave I would be?

You've turned me so numb that,
I can't feel myself or anything out here.
Do you know you've just made real,
all my deepest fears?

I try to pull myself together,
but I fail once again.
My efforts, my pleas, my grievance,
all are going in vain.

I don't want you to come back now,
I cannot handle it.
It's not like you even give a damn,
if I'm throwing a fit.

At least you could've told me what,
you thought was wrong with me,
the reason why you ruined my life,
and took away all the glee.

I want to stand up once again,
but all I do is fall.
My hands don't move, my feet ditch me,
even if I try to crawl.

I've learnt my lesson, not to trust anyone,
it's all a cruel joke.
I was flowing away in dreams till now,
but I suddenly woke.

The questions that I wanna ask,
will always remain unanswered.
They remind me of your cowardice,
and the courage you couldn't muster.

Time is a healer, it would heal my wounds,
I would be normal on the outside.
What would be missing though, is my old smile,
and my will that has died.

Going Crazy

You were always there, right in front of me,
but still, why could't I see?
I never looked at you that way,
but now that I have,
I know, I'm going crazy!!

I saw you everyday, morning and noon,
little did I know, one day you would make my heart croon.
I never looked at you that way,

but now that I have,

I know, I'm going crazy!!

You got me drooling, over those looks of yours,

I look at you like never before.

You catch me off-guard when you smile,

you make me dream for a while.

Why's this madness, this craziness?!

Was I blind all this time?

I never looked at you that way,

but now that I have,

I know, I'm going crazy!!

I spend every waking moment, thinking of you,

there's no other work I gotta do.

I would give away anything just to be with you,

what I have for you; oh, you got no clue.

Why am I falling so deep?

Was I blind all this time?

I never looked at you that way,

but now that I have,

I know, I'm going crazy!!

Oh boy, I never looked at you that way,

but now that I have,

I know, I'm going crazy!!

Friendship has its ups and downs
it's not always hunky-dory.
Sometimes sad, sometimes mad
it's just a wonderful story!

It has the laughter
and even the sobs.
There are even little fights
and times when everything stops!

i know... it sounds incomplete.. but whatta do.. couldn't thnk of nythin elz..

I wanna sing!

I jump onto the bed which is my makeshift stage,
I hold my hair brush like a Mic.
I croon and shout and chant loudly,
all the melodies that I like.

I groove to the music, dance to the tune,
put my right hand on my hip.
My favorite necklace adorns my neck,
my hair adorned by cool hair clips.

Yeah, I'm in a mood to sing tonight,
rock the whole world waiting out there.
Everything about me is perfect tonight,
my clothes and even my hair!

I even do some rapping in the middle,
play my guitar perfectly alright.
I sing rock and punk and jazz and country,
even songs which can give you a fright.

I shake my head, I feel the rhythm,
I got all the lyrics in place.
There's a different air about me tonight,
an aura that shows on my face.

Yeah, I'm in a mood to sing tonight,

rock the whole world waiting out there.

Everything about me is perfect tonight,

my clothes and even my hair!

Yeah, I'm in a mood to sing tonight,

rock the whole world waiting out there.

I know I look good, even if you don't admit,
criticizing me, you won't dare!!

Teenage

This age of getting spoilt,
by a crush and a blush.
This age of going crazy,
bout romance and mush.

This age when you have a watch,
and still ask what time is it?,
this age of singing madly,
and crying over a zit.

This age of going carefree,
and having nothing but fun.
This age of going serious,
and realizing your true passion.

This age of wanting to bring a change,
and becoming famous.
This age of being different,
not doing what everyone does.

In these teenage years,
life goes haywire.
But you also find out,
your true desire.

Some use these years,
to ruin themselves.
In these very years,
some fare very well.

So do what you wanna do,
in these years.
Otherwise this age will go,

and you'll be left with tears!

My Heart Will Stop

I want you back here,
I want to be with you.
Why am I being punished,
what the hell did I do?!

Why don't you answer me?,
why do you act so strange?,
why is all this happening?
What brought such a big change?

My life is being ruined,
for no fault of my own,
you act like someone came,
and turned your heart into stone.

Why don't you even respond,
to any plea of mine?,
between us someone drew,
an indelible line.

You don't know how I feel,
you don't know you butted me out.
You don't know how it hurt me,
and how I wanted to shout.

I hate you for what you did to me,
I loathe you for your actions,
I'm going away from you,
you were always someone I'd have to shun.

But I'm happy you left me,
I'm happy we broke apart,
otherwise you would've come again,
and would have broke my heart.

Now that we're not friends,
I won't cry and sob.
But one thing I can guarantee,
my heart will cease to throb..!

Umm... so I really thought I wanted 2 express my thoughts and what better to do it than by blogging?!  So here's my blog! OUT OF MY HEART! To the T! I might take some time to post my 1st readable thought! But for now, Here I am!!